bikes get you laid

i had car-less weekend for the first time in like a year or two this weekend, so i had to pull out my rusty ol' bike and take the old girl for a spin. 
a year after not riding my bike on the regular left me bike-retarted.  it took several attempts to lock and unlock it successfully and then i would awkwardly try to put my bag back on over my jacket and attempt several times to do it looking like a pro but blew it.
i left blink lights on, i couldnt remember were stairs were on BART, i was a super mess, which im sure youve gathered.

N E WAY
once out and about after all that effort i was like "fuck i need to make this worth it"  no 2 hours 1 drink at the bar situations where i go home after i realize there are no cool boys there and my bed starts calling my name.  it was a straight "IM FUCKIN IN THIS FOR THE LONG HAUL"

and i realized i was going to after parties, not cutting myself off, getting wasted, talking to tons of people, smiling like a drunk idiot and rambling until i had no option but to find some place to sleep.

now let me point out a key part of this story that is irrelevant, but must be stated.  i did not get laid.

BUTT
i did have the option.  like a lot.

people with bikes must fuck like all the time.  or maybe im just a lazy slut?

if i were a burger king....

 

id be this one

'tis the reason to be ballsy. fa lalalala.

any opportunity i have to put up over the top, shiny, gaudy, reflective, metallic, decorations-  i do it.  and i do it in spades.
not a fan of any holidays but i do like gold and silver garland.  and tiny plastic pink metallic pine trees on my mantle.

i lit smelly candles also.  i think its the only time of year i light smelly candles (this year its cinnamon and pine needles.)

flammable wispy garland and open flames are a dangerous combo.  what can i say?  living on the edge.